HISTORY HELPS

I’ve been really stuck on this post. 

Writing usually comes fairly natural to me. I sit down with a pen and paper, and it just flows. Effortlessly. I guess that’s why I’ve always enjoyed the process so much. 

Not this week though. This week has been tough. Each night this week I’ve tried, and each time I’ve been stagnant. I guess the reason being is that in order for me to write, I have to comprehend. I have to understand the thoughts, and the emotions behind them. But I forget sometimes that in the process of writing, I’m still trying to figure this all out. I’m still trying to figure me out. And sometimes, that doesn’t come so easily….

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when it changed. I know it was more recently than I care to admit. And I also know I was both old enough and wise enough in which I should have known better. 

I love eyes. I love other people’s eyes. The way they can sparkle sometimes, the way they allude to the untapped parts of a person. The mischief they can convey, and the way they have the ability to express the emotions that one at times may try to dilute.

My eyes were always my favourite aspect of myself. I habitually wrote ‘were’ then – which is precisely my point. I went from someone who was capable of recognising something that I liked about myself, to someone who could suddenly focus on the same thing, but from a perspective of “they could be better”. “Well actually, they’re small in proportion to your face size, so they could be bigger. And while we’re here, they do turn grey at times, wouldn’t they be better if they were a brighter shade of blue”. 

Ridiculous really. Some people don’t even have sight to which allows them to see, and here I was, my daily routine of looking in the mirror and highlighting to myself all of the physical traits I so wish I could change. And sadly, the list kept growing. Daily. 

I don’t believe in luck. I never have, and I likely never will. I believe in synchronicity.

A term originally penned by one of my favourite teachers, Swiss psychologist and new thought leader – Carl Jung. He described synchronicity as this…

Synchronicity is the coming together of inner and outer events in a way that cannot be explained by cause and effect and that is meaningful to the observer.

I have no choice but to believe that every single circumstance or event that has happened in my life was the product of this philosophy. Each small and seemingly insignificant choice I have made, paired with every soul crushing moment experienced, has led me to this very point. Right here, right now. 

I believe that the things I have experienced have been for the purpose of my soul’s growth, and hopefully that entails growing into a better human being, with more compassion, and a little less protective of myself, my empathy, and my love of human connection. Ironic that I have identified human connection as one of my most treasured things, when I’ve fought my whole life to disengage from it. But, there is no denying that some of my favourite moments in this life, have been the impromptu heart to hearts talking about beliefs and our take on the world, with people who encourage you to think outside of yourself. To think in terms of energy, and frequency. To think in terms of kindness. 

Over the past 12 months in particular, I have had more than my fair share of situations that simply demonstrated “you my dear, are not good enough”. What I have now come to believe is that it was simply life playing out scenarios that reiterated my core beliefs. I attracted each and every one of them. Repeatedly. Why? Because that, my friends, is what my dominant thoughts were. 

Now to give you some background as to why I should have know better, I need to give you some history. My mother is a medium, and a healer. And she is magnificent at what she does. She is also an academic. My father, is an atheist, and probably both the smartest and kindest man I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. I grew up in an environment of polarity. Equal parts “embrace all that is” with “be careful who you express your beliefs with”. It was, at times, challenging. I didn’t always get the balance right. 

I know, more than most; the game of life and how to play it. I have had access to some of the most valuable teachings, authors, scriptures and experiences, but I didn’t take them on board. It was always my home base when times were tough, but I didn’t utilise it in every day life. And I suffered because of it. I went through a solid period of roughing things out, because hell – I was tough and I wanted to do it on my own. If there was ever a contradiction of arrogance and a lack of self conviction, I was the poster child for it. I took the hard road, always. Because I wanted to be able to say I made it on my own. 

But that was then. And this is now. And I’m aware that while only I can do the work, I’m no longer afraid nor ashamed to have a little divine help along the way. 

But I digress. Let’s get back on track.